"So what are you doing when you graduate?"

It has been ages since I have written any kind of blog, I think I was feeling like it wasn't really "me-ish" and I was over it. 

BUT here I am, writing a blog again. This is for a different reason though, not just for my own twenty-something-drama-queen self to write random musings.  Rather, it is because as of a few months ago, my life is going from Chicago to Leipzig.
So writing this is to keep informed the masses that I am not so great at keeping updated. And this is the first of those updates!
As of this summer, I am officially joining an organization called Josiah Venture to join them in their pursuit of the youth of Central and Eastern Europe. A pursuit that's sole goal is to point to Jesus Christ.
Currently I am finishing up my degree in Intercultural Studies at Moody Bible Institute. That will be complete in December 2014. After that, I will be continuing to live in Chicago and have a random job somewhere (those details are obviously on a back-burner at this time) as I continue to raise support and grow a team around me to join me as I join God in His pursuit of young people in Germany. My hope is to be on a plane for a life changing journey about a year from now!
This will be a place that will allow me to communicate what is going on in my journey to Leipzig. For now, this is all I have for you. If you would like to see a bit more you can do so here! It is the Josiah Venture website, here you can learn more about Josiah Venture as well as my teammates!
This summer I visited Leipzig, for the first time and it made all of this more of a reality for me, so I hope these will do the same for you! 

As I begin life in Leipzig, Germany my role within Josiah Venture will be to serve within a local church, and along with my team, establish a disciple- making ministry that reaches out to the youth of Leipzig. By way of the local church, I will make connections with high schools in the area and reach students through after school activities such as an English Club. Josiah Venture’s hope as well as my hope is that students would be integrated into the local church because we believe that this is where growth is cultivated and people encounter Christ. 

Walk With Me.

I find it ironic that within the title of my blog is "walking" (Walking with the Beholder). I go into details of why that name in my first post, go look at it. 

But, the ironic part isn't that the word "walk" is in it, that would be strange. The ironic part is that I am only beginning to understand that, as of recently. 

I went to Passion 2013 this year and it was amazing as I had expected. Only after processing with friends that are pre-counseling majors (therefore great at asking provocative questions) did I really begin to scrap the surface of what it means to walk with Jesus. The one who gives me life. The one who gives me joy. The one who is gracious towards me.

Why ironic, though? It is ironic because I stated as I begun this blog that "walking" was the thing I was doing, walking with the Beholder and this was my story of that. But never did I grasp that, I still was caught up in myself and caught up in my own actions and my own sin to really grasp the reality of doing life with my Savior, my Lord. 

The distraction of being caught up in myself or making the sin in my life more of a priority than Jesus, not in the fact that I loved my sin more or I wanted to sin more than walk with Jesus, but being more concerned with my sin over being so in love with Jesus is not walking with Jesus, its walking with sin. Everything that is within me that is godly and looks like Jesus, does not come from my own power and my own strength. It's only Jesus. It's only Jesus who makes those evident in my life. So when I am more concerned with my sin and the "bad" within me, than Jesus, it seems to be that there is a very obvious reason for the sin and bad in my life, I am focused on it. When we focus on something and concentrate on it and beat ourselves over and over for it in our minds, it makes us all the more inclined to do it. But think, when I am all the more consumed with Jesus and continually telling myself how much He loves me and how highly He thinks of me, the more I am inclined to think that way and act out what I think. My actions change because my thoughts change to focus on Jesus rather than the thing that is solely, selfish. 

Walking with Jesus is to realize that anything that is good and perfect, in my life, it's Jesus' work. Walking with Jesus is to be consumed with Him and be so concerned about worshipping and serving Jesus that we get lost in Him. Walking with Jesus is to know and understand that we still sin, but its okay. We will never "get it right" on earth. News flash: walking with Him isn't a one stop shop to stop the sin and evil in the world. One day, yes, but not yet. Walking with Jesus is to understand that we sin and its okay, so don't beat yourself up, but work on it, walk with Him and begin to make progress to look more like Jesus each day. Walking with Jesus is not rules.  It is not a list of things to do and not to do. When we walk with Jesus and focus on Him, things fall into place, our main desire is to please Him and worship Him, so we do what He asks, it's not legalism. When we love someone we will do anything for them if it pleases them and makes us show that we love them and care for them. It is the same thing, we reflect our love for Him by doing the things we know He wants us to do, so that we are a better image of Him. 

I was having this conversation with a friend of mine, Spencer. As I was on my soap box and finished what I was saying, he said this to me, "Lauren, it sounds like you are trying to convince yourself of this." He was so right. I was, I am. I am trying to begin to change my thinking so that my priorities shift. I am a very rules oriented person and I begin to set up rules for myself in my mind and allow myself to think that God implanted them there, wrong. I implant those rules to keep myself from sinning or to keep myself from messing up here and there, but when I do, it's pure defeat, its like my entire world crashed and burned before my eyes, but only my world in my mind crashed because I set up such steep barriers that they were bound to get topsy turvey and fall down. And they do, every single time. Every time I disappoint myself because I can't follow my own rules and being rule oriented I assume that that means I am a total failure. 

In that moment of putting up rules and guidelines for myself, I walk away from the path that Jesus and I were on that was by vineyards and trees on and walk on a new one that takes me through the wilderness, alone, and wandering. 

I am still processing, as you can see in this post, but I am in awe of Jesus. He is the only thing that matters and He always will be. My focus is shifting from legalism and rules to Jesus. Even typing that sounds absurd, it is as if a person would see that and say, "duh Lauren, the focus should have always been on Jesus. It hasn't been? Ooooh, you need to re-think all that." I know. I know it sounds absurd, but surely I do not think I am the only one who has lost focus and veered onto a path of man-made righteousness and a path not focused with Jesus as the center. Jesus. Jesus is enough. Jesus is the only thing that matters. And He is calling me saying, "Lauren, walk with me."

It's Been Too Long

As you were expecting when you looked at the title, I have been thinking about how it has been too long since I last posted something. My summer got crazy in Europe and with school there. I then came home and didn't have anything to say or write or update you on. I think this moment may be the same too, so I am going to write away and we will see where it takes me. 

I spent the last 2 and a half weeks of summer with my friends. I had two papers to write and I could not get the energy to write them, so instead I was with friends all the time and caught up on each other's lives. I am thankful for the place that God has brought me and the friends He has given me. 

"Summer" at Home was filled with:

Caitlin and Josh sitting at this table until 2am reminiscing and talking about our lives in the future 

"summer at home" was filled with watching the olympics with the Fuehrings and Danka. Also watching Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. 

Sitting drinking iced coffee in downtown Geneva with Caitlin and Michelle

Late nights with this girl is our specialty. Love her 

Photoshoots with Fuehrings and Danka

Writing papers with Maxx as a faithful friend

Pre-wedding photoshoots

Carly and Kari! 

Getting ready with Kari. She will hate me forever for putting this up 

I am now back at Moody. I love Moody. I spent this weekend just realizing how much I love it and how happy I am that I am here. I love school work and the people I get to interact with here. I have been given a gift by being able to attend Moody and I am sad when people don't realize that. 

I am thankful for faithful friends who will be dumb along side of me and actually encourage it. 

I LOVE TENWEST! These girls are the bomb (also the ones not in this picture). I love to talk to them and live with them each and every day. 

I love roommate first day of school pics. 

Mercy. 

I am thankful for friends who understand my love for Daschunds and embrace it fully. 

I am thankful for friends who steal my phone and take rude pictures for me to find later. 

I am thankful for Allie and for her open door for my get away zone to keep me sane. I am thankful for her healing couch and trail mix.

I am thankful for the lightology roof. As long as i can i will visit this place. It is a secret magical get away from Chicago while right in the middle of it all. 

I am thankful for Europe Trip friendships that have continued. 

I am thankful for a roommate who knows me well and buys me tiny animals that she allows to grow in our sink, even if that means she has to brush her teeth elsewhere. 

I am thankful for friends who support each other in the good side and the bad side of Moody, and lift each other up with ice cream and grape juice. 

I am thankful for a high school/middle school dear friend to be at Moody. Its a little taste of home right down the hall. 

I am thankful for 10west understanding my need to get out some ghetto inside, wherever it comes from inside of me. I am thankful that they support my decision to wear high-tops and bring a boombox blaring to events on campus. 

I am thankful for syllabus parties and for support and candy during syllabus shock. 

I am thankful for God putting me in Chicago again this year with two fantastic women, I am excited to share life again with them this year and to learn more about them both as we go along and to learn more about Jesus through their experiences with Him as I share mine with them.

The last year at Moody Bible Institute brought many tears, laughs, lessons, friends, experiences, pain, illness, frequent visits to the hospital, and it was all a journey. I am ready for the second part to this journey and am excited to keep you all updated as it goes on. Here is to another wonderful school year filled with the grace of Jesus as we learn to walk in His footprints. 

Majesty Spread Thin With Grass.

I am sitting in a youth hostel in Wilderswil, Switzerland looking out a window into the majestic Swiss Alps. This is probably one of the most beautiful places in the world. Words do not express the emotions I feel toward this place. The feelings it brings up in me do not even let me get words out to describe it. If I tried to describe this majesty to those of you at home, I couldn't even do it justice. It is truly magnificent. Majesty spread thin with grass- this is what i feel about the alps here in Switzerland. 


While here I am memorizing Isaiah 42:6--
“I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness; 
    I will take hold of your hand. 
I will keep you and will make you
    to be a covenant for the people
    and a light for the Gentiles,"

As I prayed to have a verse for Switzerland, the Lord put on my heart, righteousness and just learning what it means for people and how Christ's righteousness. Through Him we gain righteousness. We inherit it. 

While in Interlaken/Wilderswil we got three day train passes to go up into the mountains and hike. Yesterday we went up to Jungfrau and went to the observatory there it was so insanely amazing! All i could do was gasp and say "oh my gosh" It was literally, glorious, filled with His vast majesty and proclaims all of the honor He deserves. I stood in awe of His majesty and it made me realize how small I really am and He is Lord over it all. We then hiked up to a hut on a mountain called the Mönch. Who knew that such thin air and snow could really make a up hill hike harder. Mercy. We finally got there, slipped off our shoes and put on the crocs provided and headed upstairs to eat some food. We left the hut and descended back down the path. 

After that we split up and some of us took a hike on foot of the north face of the Eiger mountain. It was epic. Snow covered the majority of the path we were to be on. So we dug in and walked at an angle on the side of this mountain that was slanting down toward civilization. We did this multiple times through snow in a single file line to make sure we stayed on the mountain and not sliding down. Very seldom times we would find gravel or hard ground to walk on. We decided to make it quicker, we would go off the path and sprint/penguin slide/or slide on our butts down the face of the mountain. It was so fun and so nuts. There will be a video of some boys doing it down below :)   After a while we found hard ground to walk on for the rest of the way down.  We got to a waterfall and took some pictures and then found a path that was a steep downhill to our destination of the train station. After probably about 4 hours we were at the train station and tired and wet.-- It was a scary experience for me at the start to think i could just slide down the side of this mountain.

-The pictures are so out of order and it stresses me out, but its fine, we will work with it. 

On the bus

Our Christianity and Western Culture class studying for our final

Before our EPIC hike 

Jin, Ches, Kory and I on the train up to Jungfrau...that view is real

Sleeping on trains

The group on the observatory of Jungfrau

Best picture

Train days

Dr. Litfin, Chesney and I at the Jungfrau observatory

All of us at the Mönch hut

So so incredible

Chesney and I and Johnny..

Ashley and I on the path to the hut...she is so amazing. So glad she is on this trip, she has truly truly blessed me. 

Its fine, we were in the Swiss Alps hiking

Before our epic hike..Ashley Me Chesney Jin

Love her so much

Ches, Dustin, Me, Kory

Waterfall! Kory Ches Johnny Me Dr L Ashley

We MADE it! 

Roommate pictures

Getting Swiss chocolate in Grindalwal

*THANKS CHESNEY MARIE CROUCH AND DR. LITFIN FOR THE PICTURES*